When a ‘tache was a ‘tache

21 Aug

As ridicule continues to circle Joey Barton for the furry addition to his top lip, the man himself claiming he grew it “as a dare” (that old excuse), here is a quick reminder of a former Toon player who wore the ‘tache with pride; Brian ‘Killer’ Kilcline.

In fact, Killer was so proud of his moustache that when it fell foul to a drunken prank, he seems, as the below anecdote recounted by another former Toon player John Beresford shows, to have lost, if not his power, then certainly his sanity!

“We were in Cyprus celebrating promotion and most of us had been on the drink for something like 24 hours after the Leicester 7-1 game. We’d been on the beach all day and Killer came back glowing, having fair skin and ginger hair. A lot of us grabbed a few hours kip before going back out again that night but a few of the lads had a couple more drinks in the hotel bar. Derek Fazackerley, John Murray and Barry Venison are the ones I can remember but there were one or two others as well. Not me…. Killer was wrecked and was about to pass out on the bar. Venners said for a joke that they should cut a bit of his hair off and see if he wakes up. 

“Well, Killer duly passed out and a pair of scissors appeared. A little bit was snipped and Killer didn’t move. A little bit more followed, still nothing. And then half of his pony tale had gone – the other half still long. This looked a bit strange so all of it disappeared. Still Killer slept. Then they started on his moustache and that went. They left him slumped on the bar with bits of hair in his drink and scattered all around so that he would know what had happened when he woke.

“Eventually he did wake and he was absolutely fuming. Apparently it was like a volcano erupting. He started smashing the place up and the barman legged it, petrified. David Kelly knocked my door asking if I’d go and have a word and try and calm him down, as I’d got on well with Killer that year. ‘You must be bloody joking!’ I said, ‘I’m going nowhere near him until he’s sobered up a bit more!  Eventually Derek Fazackerley went out to see him and had barely got a word or two out before Killer smacked him one. To be fair, Faz took it and thought he’d deserved it but the whole incident ruined the rest of the holiday. Killer never forgave those involved, although he thought the whole team was in on it, which they weren’t. 

“He ended up shaving off his moustache and having all his hair levelled – leaving him with this massive ginger bob. It actually made him look a lot younger but it became like the Basil Fawlty sketch – “don’t mention the hair, I mentioned it once and I think I got away with it….”. However, on the plane back we linked up with some of the other lads who had gone to a different resort and they couldn’t help but notice. Not only did it spoil the holiday but things were never the same with Killer and he left in the January, which was a shame.”

p.s. A number of similarly amusing anecdotes from Bez’s time at the Toon can be found here: http://www.nufc.com/html/bezdiary-intro.html. Well worth a look!

p.p.s. My own Brian Kilcline story is that my dad once remove his in-grown toenail. And I was there when he did it. 


3 Responses to “When a ‘tache was a ‘tache”

  1. Champ 21/08/2010 at 18:45 #

    That’s probably one of the best toonecdotes
    I’ve ever heard. Makes me want to go to one of those ‘dinners’ with a few legends from the past.

    In Joey-tache news, shiteseats has some simply

  2. Champ 21/08/2010 at 18:51 #

    Bloody iPhone.

    As I was saying, some wonderful José quotes re: JB tash.

    “If I had a moustache like that, my girlfriend would dump me,”

    Enrique said and followed up with..

    “But Joey claims he will keep it until we win a game. Let’s hope we win one soon, if that’s the case. He is a crazy man. This means we have to win the game against Villa.

    “We will get rid or it for him. I will even shave it off myself. It would be my pleasure. He looks like my father and he is in his 50s. Yes, you can say Joey looks like a 50-year-old man. He is going to love me for saying that.”

    I reckon if we win tomorrow, Joey should flip it and refuse to shave until we lose, and with the recently destroyed Blackpool coming up, it’d be Seaman-esque by our next away game.

  3. Brett 15/01/2015 at 18:28 #

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